Squash Match

Pushing off my over-sentimentality for characters that don't exist (I'm too gentle a person, I suppose,) this was a very good read.

Vision/Impact: To start off, each and every way in which you described the moves that Ann used on the poor boy were articulated astonishingly well; I had a vivid picture in my head every time she employed a new tactic. Your use of imagery, obviously, is very good. This went hand in hand with the story's impact; every time a bone broke it was obvious that it had a profound effect on Sam; and that Ann enjoyed every second of it. However, you repeated words in places that lessened the effect somewhat (such as the use of the word "taunted" twice in succession for the way in which Ann spoke.) These were limited though, and you generally mixed it up with descriptions and such. I could feel Sam's despair near the end, as well as Ann's excitement. Oh, Pogojo's pictures were a FANTASTIC touch, might I add. Not many issues, so 5/5

Originality: Not really much to say here. I have read many other things with the same premise as this; large girl wrestles smaller boy that signed contract he didn't read, and toys with him before killing him. I may be boiling it down too much, but this wasn't particularly original a concept. However, originality is impossible to fully attain (someone has always done something before you, right?) You made up for the rather dull setting on account of the spectacular images you painted and the effect of the story itself on both the reader and the characters. I suppose I cannot personally give tips on originality in this case, and I understand how it can be hard to differentiate from other gts/squash writers simply because I understand how the wrestling thing is the easiest way to do it. No insult to you for using the wrestling setting, of course. I know many people including you may not have a problem with it, but keep it in mind nonetheless; creativity with setting gives you more freedom for characters and story! 3.5/10

Technique: Take what you will from me, but know this; you have a very skilled style of writing. The use of paragraphs and short lines adds emphasis to certain parts that just make it better to read. Critiquing technique is very hard since everyone is different, but yours had a flow to it that made it both interesting and in a way suspenseful. 5/5

I observe much critique where a person gives the story a full 5/5 and just praises it while ignoring the flaws; the same goes for art. I don't want to be that guy because that isn't helpful but... Dang, this was a good story sir! It was a fun story to read and past my overly sympathetic mind the very small sadist in me enjoyed it oh so very much. Please, please, please write more! (M-maybe with less death this time...?) I kid, of course. Write as you please, because this story was definitely a 4.5/5 for me.